ι¢н вιи ƒℓιєgє.jєg ƒℓyνєя.ι¢к bєn ααn hєt vℓιєgєn.انا اطير.jє vσℓ

This has taken almost forever to write. Obviously I haven't finished.. but it's 1:15 AM ... and I'm tired. Night is s'posed to be my muse... but no thanks to my boyfriend.. I'm running off less than 11 hours sleep.. in 3 days... @__@

Anyways... I want some ideas of what you guys WANT to read.. I only have to write the damn thing, it's you guys that have to read it.. ^^;

---

My Message To The Stars ... x

This was it. I was finally on the last plane after a 17 hour flight on 3 planes. I was finally going to be in Arizona.  We had been waiting for this day for well over a year and a half. His lips... would finally meet mine; his hands would finally caress mine; we would finally be face to face.

It all started on the 28^th of May 2007. That one chat... that one mistake that made me grin continuously for months.

“Well... err... I like you too. Wanna go out?”

Looking back, it was a stupid question really. We had met on the 26^th October and probably liked each other since the following Christmas. There was no way the answer would have been anything but yes. But I s’pose the question had to be there to start things off.

“We should be landing any minute now... please fasten all seatbelts.”

I awakened from my usual day dreams with the usual smile on my face, to fasten my seatbelt. I gripped onto the arms and pushed backwards, petrified of what was coming. With the final bump of the wheels and ground and the all clear from the pilot, my body relaxed, waiting to get off the plane. I was finally going to meet him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I collected my bags and walked outside into the blazing heat of Arizona. There were a number of cactuses dotted around the outside area of the airport. Cars were parked everywhere in the huge car park that could be seen for almost miles around. It wasn’t a very busy day, or not as busy I had probably expected, but the heat definitely made up for it. I wiped my forehead, and rubbed my eyes looking for him. It was ten past. I was getting worried by the minute, looking at the clock every 10 seconds.

All of a sudden a grasp of hands came from behind, and relaxed onto my face. I placed my hands on top of them, turning around to see who it was.

“JARRETT!” I screamed. I had the hugest grin on my face, and not the slightest clue of what to say, do, or think. I stood there, looking at him.. looking at me.

“Welcome... to Arizona!” he said with a grin as big as mine. His eyes sparkled, dancing as the sun rays hit his face. All I could do was stand there, getting lost in his eyes. Next, came the awkward silence; and by the “sounds” of it, neither of us knew what to say. Then something came over me. I leaned closer, wrapping my arms all the way around him, hugging him tighter than I could have imagined. I finally had him in my arms. My eyes were shut tight, as though it was a dream, and no one could take it away from me. My head pressed up against his chest. He was finally... mine. As we stood there in the middle of the airport, I felt his arms wrap around me, and his head present on mine. He hugged me just as tight, and was just as much in the unknown as I seemed to be. Even though I knew we were being stared at, and most of his friends, and my best friend were watching us; I never felt more alone with someone than I did right now. I finally released my grip, leaning back, keeping my arms wrapped around him. He leaned back as I did; with his cute smile I looked up... finally... the moment had arrived. The moment I had been wishing for, waiting for, day dreaming every day for. The kiss.

Yeah... my prom is in two days... I'm supposed to be happy...
I have the BEST boyfriend in the world... I'm supposed to be extatic...
But I'm not...
I have basically three lives... school, home and internet. And it would be nice if it stayed that way but nooooo! My mum now has an obsession with sticking her nose in on my website; xxlilokaxx.deviantart.com AND she even sticks her nose in, on my boyfriend's page.. she reads comments from other people, looks at his pictures, read his journals. Sometimes she'll tell me stuff about him.. that I don't even know yet.. O_O does anyone here get what the problem is? Luckily she doesn't think I come on here that often.. so she won't read this.. *phew*
And you ask me... well what about the boyfriend... Yeah I have my prom in less than two days. I have ONE exam left.. and it's only 40 minutes long. Well that's all great but.. sitting in the library and having your so called best friend rip into your boyfriend like a piece of meat hurts like fuck. Just because he's not here to defend himself... and he's stuck over there in Arizona.. what's he going to do.
I SWEAR TO GOD... IF ANYONE SAYS ANYTING TO ME ABOUT HIM .. That's it!  one more time arsehole.. and you're done for. I have my own problems... he's all the way over there and i would give anything to be in his arms... a second.. a minute.. it's be worth it. It's going to be a YEAR and a HALF till I finally get to meet the guy... yeah our first kiss .. in an airport when I look like crap, after a 17 hour flight... a year and 6 months into our relationship. Not that he isn't worth the wait.. hell I waited till 4:00 AM just to talk to him for 10 minutes.
But yeah... I'm liking the "stab mother" plan more and more EVERYDAY .. oh.. and another thing... my arms are now starting to swell cause of typing so goddamn fast and so goddamn much.. but what the hell am I supposed to do when my life is on the computer..?? O_O

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can anyone at least help with the mother thing.. what can I do to stop her going through my personal internet life...??

Hey just a <B>HUGE</B> thanks to the people who have joined my groups and kept them going while I've been offline.
Also to say sorry for not being online... even though I'd said I'd returned.
If anyone has a Deviantart account add me!! :D I'm usually on there..and I have some great art work on there too :D
OMG me and my mum are planning to go to AZ!! how cool is that <3 I can't wait.. but I have to wait till next year - September/October cause I'm going to Germany and wales this year. Which does suck.. but i love Germany too <3
so much to tell.. so little time.. damn school! ¬_¬
Missing all my buzznet Buddies! :D
but I has to go... like I said... DAMN SCHOOL.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Well, I've been gone got ages and I've let my buzznet page slip TT-TT
But I think it's time to come back, I miss everybody on here *hug*
So my first journal is 10 wishes... I tagged myself from musicforlife15 =]
1- I wish we didn't live so far away
2- I wish I could meet Panic at the disco and see them in concert a <B>dozen</B> times! =]
3- I wish I could go see Rammstein.. and avoid all major death mosh pits ¬_¬
4- I wish someday to become somethibf and live happy
5- I wish I had my life 3 years ago,
6- I wish I would get off my arse! - I never do anything anymore other than bloody Laptop!!
7- I wish I had a family
8- I wish I wasn't s paranoid... _{or jealous very easily}
9- I wish life didn't change...or as much as it does and will do
10- I wish we weren't so far away.
-
And anyway rant over... If anyone has a deviantArt account here's mine http://www.xxlilokaxx.deviantart.com and I have some awesome artwork there =] alot different from Buzznet though ^^;
ahhh it feels so good to be back <3
MISSED YOU ALL LIKE <B><U>MAD</U></B>

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there,  I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there,  I did not die!

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there,  I do not sleep.

I am the song that will never end.
I am the love of family and friend.
I am the child who has come to rest
In the arms of the Father
who knows him best.

When you see the sunset fair,
I am the scented evening air.
I am the joy of a task well done.
I am the glow of the setting sun.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

---

I know this is rather random, but it meant something to me, and I wondered if it meant anything to anyone, who has lost someone. This poem is true on nearly every line and touched every part of my heart it could.

---

-×- I miss you <3 -×-

OMG, no your eyes aren't decieving you, I have finally decided to finish this chapter draft and finally posted! yes I know I have been away for a while, but I've took a break and I've been on dA recently focusing on other types of art [ www.xxlilokaxx.deviantart.com ] If anyone's interested. Anyway hope you enjoy this!

Chapter 7

The sun shone brightly through the windows. I opened my eyes, blinking repetitvely in a poor attempt to wipe away the sleep from my eyes. I looked around, seeing Ryan; still asleep and smiled. I stretched my whole body and turned over on my other side to face the rest of the room. I sat up getting out of bed heading to the bathroom. I stood infront of the mirror, with my hands leaning on the sink. I looked up, and stood there, behind me was Ryan.

"I didn't hear you get up" :me smiling as he put his arms around me.

"Hm-" :Ryan kissing my neck.

"What do you think we're doing today?" :me

"Well... knowing the boys back at home... I have no idea, but I'm sure it'll be good," :Ryan

"Yeah... this place is amazing!" :me looking around the rooms I could see.

Ryan moved from behind me and staggered back into the bedroom to get ready. A wash later I joined him, and I walked up to the wardrobe.

"What do you think I should wear today?" :me pulling everything I could see out.

"Well, you look beautiful to me in anything, so I don't really mind" :Ryan smiling.

"Thankyou... but that wasn't really what I was looking for" :me looking at him, slightly amused. How could I be angry or sarcastic with someone who loved me for me? and someone who is as cute as that?

'Knock-Knock'

"I'll get it!" :Ryan getting up, to answer the door; only half dressed.

"Morning, sir... Madame" :Diallo with a smile on his face.

"Oh, morning" :Ryan slightly surprised.

"There are plans already set out for you today, reservations by whom the name refers to a someone called Brendon Urie" :Diallo with a slight confused tone towards the end.

"Ah yes! He's one of band members" :Ryan with a huge smile.

"Oh, I didn't know you were in a band" :Diallo giving Ryan a slightly evil look.

-"Who is it darling?" :me shouting from inside the bedroom.

"Di-" :Ryan began.

"It's only me. Diallo" :Diallo cutting off Ryan, as he pushed past into the front room of the appartment.

I walked into the living room, bumping into Diallo in the door way.

"O-" :me backing away.

"Just to let you know, there are arrangements for todays' activities." :Diallo

"What are we doing?" :me sounding eager.

 "Well firstly there is a small cruise tour around the Island, all meals included-" :Diallo being cut off.

"Wow, doesn't that sound nice Ryan?! - Ryan...?" :me looking around. Diallo seemed a bit pissed he had been cut off and I wasn't paying attention anymore, however I was too busy wondering where the hell Ryan had got to.

"Erm; I think he went out onto the balcony" :Diallo, still pissed.

"Oh..." :me, returning my attention [finally] towards Diallo, as he continued.

"On the tour you will be taken to a number of markets on the island, which each sell different items, like you wouldn't believe. There is also a town square with exquisite cuisine, and souvenir shops for your friends back home" :Diallo taking a pause to breathe.

"Wow, well after this holiday I'm sure we're going to need to find something extremely good to thank them for this. I mean- look at this place, it's gorgeous! The view... is just astronomical": me still amazed by my surroundings.

Ryan walked back in, now half dressed looking straight at Diallo.

"Are you still here?" :Ryan said coldly.

"Err-" :Diallo looking at Ryan, and then at me.

"Ryan!" :I said sharply, throwing him a quick glance.

"Erm, no he's right, I'd better be going. Things to do! I hope you enjoy your holiday Mrs Ross." :Diallo turning to leave. I followed him to the door, slightly kicking Ryan on the way.

"Mrs Ross, Mr Ross" :Diallo's final words before leaving the room.

I turned, sharply, staring right at Ryan.

"What the hell was that for?!" :me yelling.

"What?!" :Ryan, acting shocked.

"You know what. What is your problem with  Diallo? I mean, you couldn't have been any ruder, and since when do you walk around with no top on, especially when we're not even at home!" :me shouting louder and louder.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't like him and as for trusting him... forget it!" :Ryan

"Why? He's done nothing to you." :me now getting confused, but still angry.

"Look, just trust me on this, stay away from him. And have you seen the way that dude looks at you?! The dude almost drools!" :Ryan walking towards me.

I stood rigid to the floor, thinking as I spaced out through the huge doors, glued to the view outside. I allowed myself to encaved in Ryan's arms as heplaced them around, relaxing my head onto his chest to feel his warm and gently heartbeat. This wasn't like Ryan to not like someone, especially not this much.

This is in reply to one of my bestest buddies, MrsRgrr [robyn].
I've noticed in her last journal, she's kinda upset and with her actions lately... she's not been herself. [yes I'm talking about you; if you're reading this :P]
It seems we're all falling apart at the time we most need each other and the time we most need to stay the sanest. GCSEs suck!! *ahem* anyways...
Robyn, coming from me, one of your closest friends who know you on and off Buzznet and every other website I talk to you  on [if there is anymore]. Well you wanna know my opinions about you... good and bad? well here goes.

Good
1) you are a fucking awesome friend and probably one of the best I will EVER have in my entire life.
2) you want to be remembered? Well living in Germany, New Zealand, England or the US you'll always be a part of me, and will always be remembered.
3) I know you'll always be there, no matter how long the drop I've fallen from, or how long it'll take for me to fall. I mean... how many times have you caught me?
4) You are definately a person I can trust. How much do you know about me and yada yada [not exactly expanding on Buzznet]
5) You're loyal.
6) You're intelligent. No offense to retards but your conversation SUCKS at times. :)
7) You're interesting and definatly different. I know you said you're scared about being different, but being the same is so... BAAAAAAAAAAAA. I mean you complain when someone buys similar clothes to you! Be different... learn to adapt to the different groups around you. No groups ever stay the same as we've recently discovered, no matter how close they are. Trust me, you are HIGHLY unlikely to ever be rejected, cuz of your sheer awesomeness! Anyone who does reject you, need a kick up the ass and a reality check, and hey! it's their loss.
8) etc. I'd type out all your good points, but I don't want to be typing for the rest of my life [no offense, yes you're worth the time but this journal needs to be moving on]

Bad
1) You're very sarcastic at times. Yes most of it is when you're trying to hide personal feelings, but sometimes it hurts. [It's also your biggest tell-tale sign of when something's up]
2) It sometimes feels that you're not very accepting of people who don't interest you. [if that makes any sense]. Like Sam's group...
3) Sometimes you come across a bit too snobbish... like with the River Jeans thing... I said I wouldn't pay £25 for A pair of jeans and you said 'Well I pay up to about £35 ...'
4) You're a very closed person at times. Nobody is happy all the time and we know that. You put on a fake smile when there's no need to, just to please everybody else. CRY for god sake! It's human nature!
5) You're a people pleaser... which does sound daft being in the bad section, but don't be a Maria [french]. Fuck the people who don't have a life and don't see your awesomeness.. like I said before, it's their loss and their problem.
6) You don't use your friends for the things we need to be used for. Even in your Random 8 Fact thing-majiggie you admitted that we don't know everything [we need to know] about you. Fine, We can't know exactly everything about each other. Even for my counsellor, she discovers a new side to me nearly every session. Probably like you, I think if someone knew everything about me... they wouldn't like me. But catch us and we'll catch you.


Being different - isn't all that bad. Change, adapt, you're going to... we all are. Don't be scared of changing... I mean in jobs you have to move on with the times. Changing yourself can be a good thing. Some people are going to like and some people aren't. Nobody can please everybody... not even Bill Gates with his Mega Microsoft applications. As for growing up, well I spose everyone gets scared about that sometimes. When I was in primary school, I thought that was it... and I would never get to High school... and well... here I am. [okay yes I am on a computer and not at school right at this moment ... stupid filters ¬-¬ but anyway]. Scared of getting old... I think we all fear that. Getting old... is getting closer to the end. And as for dying, look at it as to the gate way of no pain or suffering. Now I sound like a Bible basher... O__O
As for being a damn good mother, hell yeah that's true. But your life isn't going to revolve around 3-4 kids! you have way too much intelligence for that kind of job, even though I've heard it's one of the hardest but still, not alot of pay. I mean that's fine if you want kids... but travel and make anything you want of your life. As far as we know, you only have one so make the most of it. I know you kinda spak at me for planning ahead, but it's not that I want to move away from all of you as soon as possible and that I hate England so much. It has you, it doesn't suck that bad. I don't know why I want to live in Germany, and I have no idea why I've been looking up apartments ... rather random. But I want to travel and I know I'm a lazy fucker, so if I do the research now and start early, it gives me more UMPH to get off my arse. It's a Libbie thing, I don't get it either. But what can I say, I like to be organised (: and have you seen Munich at Christmas and German festivals... they do NOT do things by halves!! they have a festival EVERY month somehwere in Germany. I mean... they have a CHILLI festival, wth can you celebrate about a CHILLI!!?? and anyway...
In completion of my journal, the conclusion goes as follows.
Robyn Maria Faith Burns; I love you as much as a friend can love a friend and I mean NOTHING can ever change that. Unless you turn into an evil bitch which will only happen in about the year 2498... and I won't be alive then, so I won't care. In my last journal before I died, in the message I sent to you in that on msn, I meant every word I typed.  When I was actually suicidal, that would have been my way of saying goodbye, before I would have actually done anything.
Robyn... you rock... and don't ever forget it, even when I'll be in Munich, I'll never forget it. And well just think if you ever want to holiday in Germany... FREE HOTEL!! woo!! :D - Same goes for Becky and Tom too!

---

And now for becky, don't think you got away with it either. You rock too! and I know you're kinda going through it all at the moment, but no matter what we're all friends! And for god sake...
WE NEED TO DO MORE FUCKING STUFF TOGETHER!!!! Robyn.. your sister does not need your hand to go to potty... and I don't have money either... it's called creep up to your mum and dad. You're lucky theres two money sources in your house ^-^ and Becky, just cause Tom's not going, doesn't mean you can't go. And if you show Tom this... me, Robyn & Becky need Girly days out! We do not need constant conversations about periods and sex.... just cause you aint getting any of either doesnt mean you have to make up for it with conversation. We do NOT care about which tampons 'her' mum uses, thanks for the info.. but next time... please keep the details to YOURSELF. it would be muchly appreciated. But anyways... love you both!! xoxo

---

Jesus this journal wasn't sposed to be this long O_O bugger... well at least it ain't one fat comment. Anyways... Loving all my friends for now and forever... no matter where I finally decide to live!

It’s the deep suburbs of New York City, the United States of America. The cold air, descending onto the open streets, polluted by the cars that drove by on the roads. Gangs were sat on the streets taunting other members are they went by. The gang of Tudri sat on the walls of a garden of an empty house. The windows had been smashed, and the neighbours had been driven away from the sheer fear of their lives. Occasionally the sound of shooting guns, far in the background were the only things you could hear, soon followed by the cries of others and the screams of the victims. It seemed rather difficult now-a-days to be accepted in a Gang, but it proved worth the effort  in these rough streets. Nobody had the guts to stand alone.

“Well, well…well. If it isn’t Diallo the wannabe. You still interested in being one of us?” :Shiro spoke to Diallo. His words were empty, as if Diallo was just another soldier in a war. “So, d’ya know what you got to do, to become one of us?” :Shiro. His black hair shone almost like Electric blue with the early lamppost glow, beaming down on his head. “Err, I think so” : Diallo biting his lip even more nervously than before. However he knew if he showed fear or nerves he was out even before he tried. His reputation would have been killed forever, and n o doubt himself. His black skin began to sweat underneath his baggy clothes. “Well, are you ready or not?” :Aito. Aito was a tall skinny young man who was a side-kick figure in the group. If Shiro was away on business, Aito took care of everyone else, and was often mistaken as the leader. He had very dark brown hair, cut mostly to the head. His hair, today was spiked up and the solidified gel glistened the glow of the lamppost as did Shiro’s. “what are we waiting for?” :Taisa who slid her body closer, towards Diallo. She a snake like smile of her pretty little face. Makeup was all you were able to look at, with the amount she had put on her face, like always. Her bright red lipstick made the light shining on her lips, dance almost as she spoke. Shiro gave her a quick glance, then returned his stare to Diallo. “Come on then” :Shiro removing a pair of car keys from his pocket.

Diallo followed Shiro around the car. His head seemed to bow down, almost in an ashamed style, but the truth was, fear was flooding him more by the second. Aito went to sit in the front seat, ‘till Shiro interrupted. “Let Diallo sit in the front seat” :Shiro looking at Diallo, refusing to move his stare. Diallo looked straight up, meeting Shiro’s eyes, then moved his glance to Aito who was staring at Shiro in complete amazement. Diallo moved around the car and sat in the front seat. He fastened his seatbelt and sat calmly taking deep breaths every chance he could.

The drive must have been only 10 minutes to their destination, but to Diallo it felt like hours of mental and physical preparation for what was about to happen. “well, are you sure you’re ready?” :Shiro with a sly smile on his face. Shiro thought Diallo wasn’t actually going to do it and back out any minute, but Diallo wasn’t ready. Even though the task ahead was probably more difficult, it wouldn’t have been more life-threatening than what he would face at home, being an outcast in every gang. Diallo took one last breath, before replying ‘yes’. Every one undid their seatbelts, opening their car doors and stood up outside on the cold pavement. The sky was dull and grey with the clouds low over the house roof-tops. Everyone moved round the car, staring at the house in front of them.

The house was a typical American style house. The wooden black painted panels stood erect holding up the roof and chimney, which looked like it was about to collapse at any point in time. There were wooden 4 steps  leading up to the outside patio of the front door and 3 trees next to the house: 2 on the left, 1 on the right. Even though it was early Autumn, the trees had no leaves in sight at all. No leaves seemed to have touched the ground surrounding the property. “I can’t wait to see what you bring back” :Taisa, snaking her way closer to Diallo. She wrapped her wrists and hands around Diallo’s arms, refusing to let go anytime soon. Her face looked straight up at Diallo, smiling and looking his face up and down. Diallo turned his head in confusion and forced a smile. “Right, the plan is; you go into the house, and being back anything you can. It has to be decent, we don’t want a twig from one of those trees over there do we? No.” :Shiro pausing for effect, and to create more fear in Diallo. “Err…” :Diallo stuttering while he thought about the question. His eyes refused to lift off of the house. “Well, off you go…” :Shiro patting Diallo on the back and then pushing him forward. Taisa moved off from his arms and watched him as he drew himself closer to the house. Aito said nothing as he was still hating him after the front seat incident.

Chapter 6

The plane doors slowly opened, only to reveal a living, breathing, spectacular paradise. Only 7 years ago, this would be somewhere i could only imagine, nevermind feel.

"Madame... Sir... if you would kindly follow me" :Service dude

"...ok...." :me, feeling like a million dollars. I didn't even believe what was happening.

"...no idea. i dread to think what else they've got instore for us" :Ryan looking back at me.

We walked down the stairs, along the painted path and into the private car which was waiting for us at the end. The car was 2008 clear black Audi. The car hadn't even been put on the market anywhere else in the world. There were 4 beautfilly designed suicide doors. One of the staff from the plane starting to walk down behind us with our bags, which were placed in the boot. I grabbed hold of ryan's hand, slowing gripping the whole of his arm, in delight of course! I was constantly looking around, trying to soak in everything what was happening. The smile from my face never left, and the feeling i had meant that the smile wasn't going to fade anytime soon.

Tthe drive was at least half an hour, but with the scenery along the way, the trip was far from boring. Ryan held my hand all along the way. The hotel was unbelievable, 5 star of course. There were 4 steps leading up to the hotel lobby, revealing a huge space which couldn't have been designed better. The bamboo chairs scattered in a controlled layout each accompanied with a glass topped table. we walked over the check-in desk taking out the required document as she asked. A personal butler walked over to the desk and took our bags. We followed him to the lift, all was silence till the butler spoke.

"So, how long are you in Madagascar for?" :butler

"Erm... we're not quite sure. Ya see, we didnt book the holiday, our friends did" :Ryan quite unsure of the Butler.

"oh... I hope you enjoy your stay. Madagascar is a beautiful country, just not that many people realise it, until they get here. It's a shame really..." :Butler

"It is actually. There's so much to take in. I mean the scenery along here was outstanding" :me with a smile, still on my face.

"Most people say that. By the way, my name is Diallo. I am your personal butler for the remainder of your holiday." :Diallo, the butler.

We had now reached the floor, which held our room.

"if anything is required, there is my service number next to the room phone." :Diallo walking up to our room door. "These are the keys. i always have a spare incase you lose them or lock yourselves in. There are maids each morning to tidy the rooms. A number of chefs will  phone you each morning to take your order for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If any meals are required inbetween then you can phone them at any time. I'm available at most times, except from 1:00 am till 6:00 am."

"We hope nothing goes wrong..." :me, slightly feeling uncomfortable.

"Well... yeah. Nothing is likely to go wrong. I'm not trying to scare you. It's just procedure information we need to give to all guests" :Diallo, with a slight laugh.

"Oh, Good" :Me with a sigh of relief.

We walked up to our room and Diallo unlocked the door and allowed us to go in first. Our room was the best! With a huge window showing nothing but the beach and the sea. Our living area was a beach paradise, definately nothing like I'd seen before.

"Most of the beach you see here, is yours." :Diallo with a smile on his face. He placed our luggage on the floor, in a sort of relaxed manner.

"...Wow!" :me with a slight let go of a breath.

"What else is there left?" :Ryan, who looked just as amazed as me.

"Well... that is all for tomorrow" :Diallo with an even bigger smile on his face as he turned for the door.

Chapter 5

"Well I wonder where we're going..." :Ryan passing me a glass of Champagne.

The jet was gorgous, everything was perfect all except for no T.v and the flight was taking a rather long time. I sat next to the windows watching the clouds go by. We were over a country, not quite sure which one but it still felt that the plane wasn't any time ready to land just yet.

"Are you o.k?" :Ryan taking a sip of his own glass.

"Hmm... yeah sure." :me not listening. I was so tired.

"You sure? You seem a bit distant... you've hardly said anything since we left the reception" :Ryan sounding worried.

"I'm just tired... but I really want to know where we're going, so I don't really want to go to sleep" :me yawning and rubbing my eyes.

"Well, how about we both go to sleep. That way if you miss it, then I miss it too" :Ryan smiling.

"But that's not fair on you" :me sternly.

"But I love you, so I say it is fair" :Ryan sticking his tongue out comically. I laughed and looked down into my glass, running my finger along the lip.

"Well, it's a good job I love you too" :me looking up at him and smiling.

"Hell yeah it is. Just think, today is a day that neither of us will forget and 2 years ago this day mean t nothing to us..." :Ryan with one of his unusual conversations.

"And now it means everything to us... well mainly our future" :me

"Doesn't that scare you? That hopefully, you'll be with the same person next year and the next 50 years" :Ryan

"Why would that scare me?" :me

"Well what is 2 months down the line, you feel you've not made the right choice. That I'm not the one..." :Ryan sounding insecure as he looked down at his feet.

"Ryan... listen to me. I love you, more than anything in this world. And I know you are the one I want to spend the next 70 years with, nevermind 50!" :me. I stood up and walked over placing my hands on each shoulder [of Ryan]. He lifted his head but was still unsure of wether to look in my eyes or not.

I kissed him lightly on the forehead for a more reassuring kiss than a passionate one.

"D'ya honestly think I would have walked down the aisle, stood up in church and said my vows and I do if I didn't love you?" :me

"Well, you could have married me for my money..." :Ryan thinking dangerously.

"What...?!" :me

Ryan kissed, only because if he hadn't I would have screamed at him.

"*ahem* The plane will be landing in half an hour at Madagascar Airport" :Air - Hostess.

We had stopped kissing by the time he had finished talking. I had forgotten completely about Ryan insinuating I was a Gold-Digga, but I would get him back later.

"Madagascar...?! Wow!" :me shocked. I still had my arms wrapped round Ryan holiding on and leaning back slightly.

"Wow... even I wasn't expecting that" :Ryan looking just as shocked as I was. We were still facing the directing where the Hostess had left.

"I am so glad I married you!!" :me

"So you are happy with me aren't you?" :Ryan

"Hell yeah... I mean, It's been worth it so far" :me sideglancing at him with a sly smile on my face.

The seatbelt sign came on, meaning the plane was about to land. I sat down next to Ryan on 2 of the seats. We fastened our seatbelts and prepared ourselves for the landing. The plane jolted as it descended further and further. I grabbed Ryan's hand in panic and closed my eyes. Although I repeatedly opened them to reveal a holiday of a lifetime and definately one I would never forget!

 

Chapter 4

"Well..." :Brendon being the first to stand up : "There's not much you can really say about a perfect couple, except for a few stories" Brendon looking devilish towards me and Ryan.

Ryan looked slightly scared and laughed it off as a joke to himself. He grabbed his glass of champagne and took a long drink, only then to replace the glass. I stretched my hand over to his, gripping on tightly.

"Well... First of all I must say, Congratulations, to the both of you. May you both have many years of happiness" :Brendon raising his glass and slightly bowing his head. Then he looked up, lifted the glass down and took a deep breath for the speech to continue. : "Well as you all know me and Ryan go way back, God we have some stories to tell and I'm sure there'll be plenty more to be made."

Jon stood up next to Brendon and raised his glass. He faced both me and Ryan as he began to speak. : "We know you forgot to prepare your honeymoon, so me and panic! at the disco organised everything. Your suitcases are packed all with new and old favourites and are waiting in your limo, which will be heading for the airport as soon as you're ready" :Jon

"What...?!" :me gasping. I didn't believe anything I was hearing... not because I didn't trust him but I couldn't believe they'd actually noticed, I mean c'mon, they're men!! I leaned right over and hugged Ryan.

"You sure Jon? ... Spenc... Brendon?" :Ryan just as shocked as me. He had a gobsmacked expression with a hint of happiness. His eyes sparkled like a 1000 stars each.

"Hell yeah we're sure. We know you both deserve this break, the lyrics to the new album wil be written after the holiday-" :Jon

"Yeah, so look out for some new inspiration" :Spencer laughing. He was now stood up next to Jon and Brendon.

"I've got all the inspiration I need... right here" :Ryan looking right at me. He placed his arm around me leaning in for a kiss.

"To The Happy Couple!" :Brendon, Spencer and Jon all raising their glasses in order to end their speech. Everyone raised their glasses repeating the sentence. Everyone then returned to eating their meals.

"Fancy a dance?" :Ryan offering me his hand.

"I'm all yours!" :me standing up, taking his hand. We walked over to the dancefloor hand in hand. He whisked me around, placing his hands in the air for a laugh. We did the robot dance, but Ryan took it one step too far so I stepped back, in a joke way of course! Brendon had gathered a few of the female guests and was teaching them the Brendon Dance. I walked over to Tom and Becky who weren't on the dancefloor.

"What's up? How come you're not dancing?" :me

"My feet are sore..." :Becky rubbing them.

"Oh suck it up! C'mon!, just take your shoes off! This should being back some memories for you two anyway" :me grabbing Becky's and Tom's arms.

"Huh?" :Tom

"Where did you two start off from...?" :me looking at both of them. Not that it was doing much difference. : "On the dancefloor!"

"Haha... yeah I'd forgot!" :Becky making her way over; not that she had a choice.

Becky, Tom and I were all dancing like complete FREAKS! But what other way is there to dance?!

The Dj had come on the mic and cleared everyone off the dancefloor. Me and Ryan were sat back in our seats at the table.

"And now, for the dance of the Daughter and the Proud Father" :Dj

I looked around and my dad was right behind me. He already had his hand out offering me a dance. I kissed Ryan lightly on the cheek, quickly before accepting my dad's hand.

"I hope he makes you happy Robyn, " :Dad

"I wouldn't have married him otherwise" :me looking up and smiling.

"Good, just as long as he doesn't change straight after the wedding" :Dad being paranoid.

"No Dad. I trust him with my life..." :me trying to reassure him. : "Anyway, I've just got one question... how do Punks dance?!"

"Umm... I have no idea" :Dad with a stern look on his face.

"Oh c'mon! you must remember something from your Punk days!" :me laughing.

"Shut up while you're ahead!" :Dad laughing it off.

---

The party was now over. There was me, Brendon, Ryan, Spencer and Jon left in the entertainment room.

"You two best be off getting ready for your honeymoon": Brendon

"What... you were actually serious about that?" :me still shocked.

"Well, yeah we wouldn't have said anything otherwise" :Jon

"Where are we going?" :Ryan

"Wouldn't you like to know!" :Brendon

"You'll find out when you get there?" :Spencer laughing with the others.

"Now c'mon! Or else you're flight will leave without you and the strawberries and cream will be warm" :Brendon

"Strawberries and cream...?" :Ryan, his eyes sparkling but confusion filled his face.

"On your private jet. You didn't think we would make you go first class did you... you're part of Panic! At The Disco... and we fly in style!!" :Brendon

Apparently I've been tagged... several times XD, so here goes...

Eight facts about me...

~♥~ My real name is Elizabeth~♥~

~♥~My middle name is Carol, after my grandma~♥~

~♥~If you had 100 people my height there would only be 9 people skinnier than me~♥~

~♥~I have 3 cats~♥~

~♥~I love collies [dogs]~♥~

~♥~My favourite food is Chinese~♥~

~♥~I love to dance, but I never let anyone see me dance~♥~

~♥~i'm a computer geek... and only getting worse =D ~♥~

 

Now my turn... I tag...

mrsrgrr, chickens4life, aquakitty, brennybearisagod, ryrosbabe830, 14ryryisbabe, bejus, neetljelovesspenc, x0xalyssax0x, marika

This week's Kerrang with Panic! At The Disco

Part 1

'Back to reality'

After spending 2006 swept up in a whirlwind of emo superstardom, P!ATD have been hiding away on a well-deserved break in Las Vegas. K! joined them to find out what they've been getting up to.

---

They don't call Las Vegas 'Sin City' for nothing. A desperate, claustrophobic place built on greed and broken dreams, gambling laws and round-the-clock drinking licenses have made this a Mecca for people who want to cut loose from the grind of their daily 9 to 5 for a while and win fistfuls of dollars while they're at it.

The majority don't win a dime, though. and for all the fun you can have blinking at the flashing lights and enjoying the decadence of the ostentatious hotels, you're never too far away from the realisation that this is a city built to take your money.

19yr old P! drummer Spencer Smith lives with his family 15 minute drive away from Las Vegas boulevard towards the interstate 15. As we approach his parents' home, the tacky casinos and wedding chapels gradually disappear making way for beautifully-kept suburban houses. Hulking, shiny cars line picture perfect driveways, casting long shadows over neatly-trimmed lawns and picket fences and in an instant, 'Sin City' seems like a million miles away.

---

As We pull up to the pavement, Smith dressed down in a T-shirt, black jeans and flip-flops, is there to greet us. His face hasn't seen a razor in a week or so, and he looks relaxed, stretching out a handshake and inviting us inside.

Several platinum and gold discs, recognising over one million sales of their 2005 debut album 'A Fever You Can't Sweat Out' proudly hang from the walls.

"My mom really likes them", grins Smith with a shrug of his shoulders as he takes us into his bedroom. His bandmates-Urie, Ross and Walker-are all relaxing in there, lounging infront of a 32inch plasma TV which is set to the discovery channel.

Framed posters of the Dresden Dolls, The Decemberists and Beach Boys' album sleeves line the walls, while an MTV Video Music Award for the bands' 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' promo sits on a shelf, almost hidden by a collection of limited edition Nike trainers and books. When K! interrupts, the lads are debating the merits of the brand new iPhone, which is Urie's newest toy.

 "I didn't get it for free, but got a friend to wait in line for me. I paid them a million bucks," the singer jokes  "But that's one of the benefits of being a friend of mine!"

Fresh from causing mass hysteria everywhere they stepped out as they toured the world in support of their debut, the members of P! have spent the majority of 2007 having a well-earned break in their home city-with Walker returning to his native Chicago-and then reconvening to begin work on their much anticipated 2nd album, which is due for release in early 2008. If their jovial, relaxed manners and bright eyes are anything to go by, the time off has clearly benefited the quartet. Not only has the holiday from constant touring, interviews and photoshoots allowed them to have some much missed hang time with their familes, friends and girlfriends, it's also enabled them to get back doing those 'normal' things that they never thought they'd miss, like getting out of bed at whatever time they like or going to get pizza together.

---

How Quickly Did You Adjust Back To Normal Life?

S-It was amost too easy.

R-But i actually can't wait to start touring again. If someone said to us, there's a tour starting tomorrow, I'd be there in an instant

How Normal Would You Say Your Lives Are At The Moment, Then?

S-It's too normal. i'm enjoying it too  much. We can get up anytime we want and literally don't have to do a thing or worry about the next pay check to pay the water bill. We're getting bored of having nothing to do...

B-I can see why old people get jobs after they've retired. You get so bored. i'm annoyed with how boring it us when you have nothing to do. I've done 'Guitar Hero'... I can't get any better at it.

R-If we want to hang out with other people you're kind of waiting around for our friends to get off work.

Have Your Friends Treated You Differently Since You Finished Touring?

S-The one thing with people at home is that they're interested in the band, but when you have so little time off, talking about the band is the last thing you want to do.

J-It's not so sad byt it's a little like an interrogation! It's pretty mysterious to them. After the first couple of days, it gets normal and you have normal conversations.

B-Thats because we're just people with normal feelings!

Do You Get Recognised Alot While You're At Home?

R-It doesn't happen that often. I always look so bad when I go out in public, no one tends to notice me.

J-Me and Brendon were out driving together and these guys-total guys-pulled up next to us at the traffic lights. They were like 'Yeah! Panic! At The Disco'

B-They were super bros driving their dad's VW Golf. It was wierd because my car has tinted windows so I don't know how they saw us. That was insane'

 

-x- Chapter 4 -x-

[Robyn's p.o.v]

"What the...?" :Brendon turning around to look at what was happening.

Everyone in the church had now turned around to see what was going on.

"Who the heck are you?" :Ryan lookin confused.

My stomach turned to knots, I had no idea who it was and I had never seen him before in my life.

"Who the heck are you?" :the man

"Have you got the wrong church or something...?" :Brendon stepping down, closer to him.

"Um... I think so" :man biting his lip nervously.

"So..." :Ryan

"I am so so sorry" :man looking around the church, he knew nobody there.

He back up out of the church, closing the door. Everyone turned back around, facing Robyn and Ryan.

"Well... that was random" :Brendon taking his original place.

"You can say that again..." :Ryan taking a deep breath and turning around to face me once again.

"That was random..." :Brendon repeating it, to wind up Ryan.

"I didn't mean it..." :Ryan turning around. His words were ster, but his face showed that he got the joke.

---

After 10 minutes we had finally reached the part of the vows. I had waited over 3 months to finally say the two words, I would probably never forget in my life.

 'I Do'

I had been practising in the mirror of how to say the words. I loved him so much, if anything went wrong I swore to myself that I would scream.

"Do you, George Ryan Ross, take thee Robyn Maria Faith Burns, to be your lawful wedded wife?" :priest

"I Do" :Ryan turning, facing me, with the biggest smile I had ever seen.

"And do you, Robyn Maria Faith Burns take thee, George Ryan Ross, to be your lawful wedded husband?" :Priest

This was it...

"I *cough* Do" :me. I was so nervous that I choked half way between. I took one long blink before turning to look at Ryan. He had a slightly confused look on his face but I could tell if hadn't bothered him.I turned to face the priest. That one line I knew was about to be said;

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife..." :Priest

I turned back to face Ryan. He still had his head facing the priest.

"You may now, kiss your bride" :priest. He was looking directly at Ryan with a sly smile on his face.

We turned, facing each other; for the first time as husband and wife. I couldn't describe my feelings, even if I tried. Everything just seemed to be perfect.

We drew closer to each other, feeling the excitement between us. Our lips met, but only for the first time, definately not for the last.

I smiled and started to laugh which caused Ryan to laugh as well. He pulled away, still smiling but slightly confused.

"What's so funny?" :Ryan

"Huh? I don't know. Eveything is just different now... And I love it" :me smiling, then leaning in to kiss him once again.

Our photographer stepped at the side of us and took a picture. It was supposed to be a memory of the 'first kiss as man and wife'. But he was a bit behind.

We turned around linking arms and facing the rest of the church. We smiled at everyone and made our way down the isle.

as we reached the doors, they were opened for us by two of the guests. Brendon, Spencer, Jon, Becky and Tom all went through the doors first. Then waited at the side of us to throw confetti. It showered over us like nothing you could ever imagine. We could hardly through the rose shaped confetti falling through the air, finally landing on the church door step.

We ran down the stairs and kissed outside of the limo. The photographer followed us everywhere taking pictures constantly. We stopped, looking at the camera, posing for another picture.

"Tom, Becky" :me calling them over.

"C'mon you guys, get in!" :Ryan calling the lads over.

We all stood for a picture next to the limo.

"CHEESE" :me laughing. Becky and Tom laughed with me, them being the only two who could remember way back from our school days.

"PARTY!!!!" :Brendon shouting and trying to grab the attention of the crowd. He tried to make himself taller, making sure everyone had heard them.

"Everyone, if you will; please follow the limo to the after-celebration" :Jon

"c'mon then, before all the food goes" :Ryan hurrying me into the limo.

"Love you guys" :me, hugging Tom and Becky.

We clambered in, me shifting over a seat for Ryan. He closed the door, then turning to face me.

"I love you..." :me kissing him passionately on the lips.

"Oh oh my god... I love you too" :Ryan being sarcastic for the first part.

I linked my arm into his, refusing to let go anytime soon.

---

It took half an hour to get to the party. Brendon, Jon, Spencer, Tom and Becky were already there as were half of the guests. We looked outside the tilted window seeing everyone there to greet us.

"How did they get here before us?" :Ryan confused.

"No idea... half of them didn't even know the party was here." :me confuzzled.

Brendon opened the door, for me. Jon opened the door for Ryan. We stepped out at different sides of the limo. I jogged slightly to be by his side once again.

I linked my arm into his, posing for one more picture before entering through the main doors. It was a hotel entertainment room which the party was being held in.

The doors opened automatically, everyone cheered. Party poppers went off from every corner of the room. I jumped slightly laughing it off as a joke. I smiled and me and Ryan walked over to the main table, our table.We went for food and drink, afterwards returning to our seats.

The toasts began...

-x- Chapter 3 -x-

-x- The Wedding -x-

The Day had finally arrived. I had been planning this one day for months. It was the 16th September... soon to be a date I would never remember; my anniversary with thr man who I love the most.

---

"C'mon Robyn, you're going to be late!" :Becky. She was the maid of honour and my closest best friend still.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" :me still standing in front of the mirror. I loved my dress, but with how many I tried on and went through I was bloody going to make sure it was THEE perfect dress, as should anyone on their special day. And any, you're only supposed to do it once in your life. My hair was perfect, it was up in a high ponytail with curls coming out with a veil to cover the bobble.

The door flew open, and Becky came flying through.

"Robyn, are you finished yet?" :Becky walking over.

"I don't know, what if he leaves me at the altar or something goes wrong? I've spent ages planning this-" :Robyn

"So don't worry because nothing will go wrong, I'll make sure it doesn't" :Becky giving me one last hug. I followed her to the hall and let her walk down stairs first. I follwed her, stepping outside. All of my friends and family were there. Ryan was already at the church, I hadn't seem him since before the hen night.

"Mum, Dad, Nana!!" :me screaming and running over to them.

"Oh wow! You look like a million dollars" :mum

"Thanks! I can't wait!" :me

"Well you deserve it and don't you ever think other wise. We're really happy for you" :Nana

"Where's your sister?" :dad

"Um, I don't know. I think she's still upstairs getting ready" :me looking around.

"Argh! I'm getting married! AHH!" :me, nothing could spoil today.

"What time is it?" :dad

"Um... oh my god, it's time to go! Are you ready?" :mum looking straight at me.

"Wha... already? Oh My God!! No, I'll never be ready! How's my hair?! Do I look fine?" :me stressing out.

"Fine... NO!! You look perfect" :mum with a soft smile.

"I love you, I love you all. And where is my god damn sister? EMMA!!" :me shouting for her.

"I'm coming I'm coming don't leave without me!" :Emma almost flying down the stairs.

"Emma! Fix your hair, you're one of the main bridesmaids for heaven's sake!" :mum

"Sorry..." :Emma laying back and allowing her mum to fix her hair.

"Come on. Get in the car!" :me shouting with more than excitement. I almost ran to the stretch limo which was parked outside.

I got in, shuffled over allowing Becky, and Emma to get in. My mum, dad and Nana went in their own car and was meeting us at the church. All the other guests clambered into their own cars and followed us there.

The limo was so comfortable. All the interior for the chairs was black leather. There were flurescent lights on each side. Each window was tinted black and the carpet on the floor was almost deep blood red. I looked around, at Becky then at Emma.

"You know... I have a good feeling about today" :Becky smiling at me.

"I hope everything goes well- Why have we stopped?" :me panic flowing through me like never before.

Emma rolled down the window :"We're here"

"What? Already! Oh my God!!" :me. I couldn't even describe my feelings.

"Come on then!" :Becky turning her head towards the door. She was just about to open it, when the chauffeur had already opened it.

"Oh thankyou" :Becky twirling round and getting out. I looked at the other side at Emma who was already on her way out.

"Well... here goes" :me taking a deep breath. I became more nervous as the seconds ticked by.

I crept out of the car, just like a celebrity. I looked around; a few of  my friends and family were all around the church waiting for me. Most were in the church already getting ready.

"Smile for the camera" :mum taking a picture.

"Mum! I'm not even married yet" :me laughing.

"Ok, ok just one more...?" :mum taking yet another picture

"Mum!" :me laughing again.

My dad walked over to the car and offered me his arm.

"I love you pumpkin" :dad kissing me on the forehead.

"I love you too, and you know... I will always be your little girl, no matter what" :me kissing him back. He smiled, turned his head face on and we started to walk. Everyone by now was in the church sat down and ready. Emma stood in front leading me in and Becky was behind me. We stepped into the church and stood behind the too main doors leading into the actual main hall. I took a deep breath then quickly turned to my dad.

"Here goes... do I look ok" :me smiling nervously.

"Perfect, now stop worrying it's time..." :dad smiling, turning around and walked forward.

As I walked down the isle, I looked around the church. Everything was going to plan and everywhere was filled with nothing but happiness and joy. Brendon, Tom and finally ryan were all standing at the bottom near the altar. Ryan had asked Brendon to be best man but asked Tom to be there for him as well.

I finally reached the top of the isle. I turned kissing my dad on the cheek as so did he. I smiled, turning back to the person who I would probably spend the rest of my life with. Nothing but happiness, joy, safeness and nervous filled the veins that flowed through my body.

Ryan held out his hand, smiling to my dad as he did so. I could almost feel my eyes sparkle especially when I touched Ryan. I stepped on the main step, levelling myself with Ryan and everyone else. We turned to the priest still smiling.

The priest started talking to everyone, but I couldn't help but think about everything what was going on then he came to the worst part. I had totally forgotten and my stomach turned as he said those words:

"We are here in order to join these two in holy matrimony. Does anyone here have any objections?" :priest

"I OBJECT!!" :random man at the back. The church doors burst open. The church filled with the sound of gasping breaths and the shuffles as everyone turned around. I felt as though I was going to throw up.

-x- Chapter 2 -x-

[Robyn's p.o.v] [still in the rain]

We walked back in, and dried ourselves off with towels. I couldn't stop staring at him or the ring. I felt alive in one way, but in a very good dream in another. We had been together for so long now that it couldn't be a dream, but it felt like too much of a good dream. As long as I never woke up I would be happy forever.

"What...?" :Ryan looking at me puzzled.

"Huh?" :me

"What do you keep staring at me for?" :Ryan smiling

"Oh.. sorry" :me smiling, blushing and feeling embarrassed :"I don't know, I just feel lucky, too lucky. I suppose I still can't believe any of it really"

"Well you better believe it, because I'm not going anywhere" :Ryan walking over to me.

We were sat in the bathroom. He was leaning over the sink drying his face with a towel. I was sat on the edge of the bath holiding a towel in my right hand. I stood up looking at his chest, then looked up and reached his face. He wrapped his arms around me, locking his hands at the back. I closed my eyes, leaning in to kiss his soft lips. There were so many moments with him, that I never wanted to end, but each time they did. The only comfort and hope I had was that I knew for now, there would be more to come.

"Come here!" :Ryan laughing : "You've got something on your face"

"Where?" :me in a surprised tone.

"Right... there" :he said kissing me on the lips.

Sometimes it still felt odd when we kissed. Not in a bad way, but it was still like a dream, that I hadn;t yet managed to wake up from; not that I was complaining. But everytime we kissed I couldn't help but smile, even after 6 years of being with him.

---

 

-x- Chapter 1 -x-

[Robyn’s p.o.v.]

Woo it’s the day before my birthday and I can’t wait! I just wish that Rialle could be here. It’s now been 6 years since she committed suicide. It took us all by surprise. None of us actually thought she would do it. But then we obviously didn’t see the full picture.

A lot has happened in 6 years, Rialle would have been proud of us all. Me and Ryan are still together as Tom and Becky are too. We lost contact with Chloe, she went to live in Paris with another lad she had met while being on vacation. We still kept in touch through the internet, but not as much as before. Josh met another girl and moved half way across the country. Nothing really happened between him and the group after Rialle passed away. As I visited these memories, staring into space, my phone rang on the table on the other side of the room.

I sighed, getting up to get the phone.

“Hello…?” :me

“Hey Robz! It’s me Ryan” :Ryan noticing I was unaware of who it was.

“Oh hey! What’s up? Guess what… 1 more day to go!!” :me squealing.

“One more day will what?” :Ryan actually sounding serious.

“You know!!” :me slightly worried.

“No… I don’t know” :Ryan still sounding serious.

“Anyway… I just wondered if you were o.k. You seemed a bit down when you left the bar” :Ryan

“Yea… I’m fine” :me

“Now tell the truth… is this about Rialle?” :Ryan

“No, I’m over that I mean that was 6 years ago…” :me

“It’s just that every year you wish she could see how well you’re doing and be here for your birthday?” :Ryan explaining it all perfectly as usual.

“Yea I suppose it’s something like that” :me

“Look… you’ll be fine. I promise and you know you still have all your friends around you, and you have a successful career and a boyfriend who couldn’t love you anymore” :Ryan

“How do you know what to say in every moment?” :me

“Because I’m perfect and I know these things” :Ryan .

I could almost feel the warmth of his smile down the phone.

“Look I got to go. Brendon needs me to do something. Love you bye” :Ryan hanging up

“Yea… bye” :me.

---

[Ryan’s p.o.v.]

“So… for her birthday I’m planning a surprise proposal. But I have no idea what to do when I ask her!” :me

“Well neither do I. Out of all of us you should ask Becky. She has known Robyn the longest” :Brendon

“True… but I want something really romantic. Something that even she wouldn’t have been able to dream of” :me

“You’ve got to think outside the box. Think of something that you’ve never thought of before” :Brendon

“Dya think we should throw her a surprise party?” :me

“NO!! Anything but. Every time we throw a party… something always goes wrong” :Brendon

“Yea… that’s true and I want it go perfect tomorrow. After all she deserves it” :me

“Well… you could throw a party or a ‘get-together’ nothing goes wrong with them and there are less people now” :Brendon

“Yea I’ll do that. I’ll go phone everyone now” :me.

After I’d organised everything [helps being famous] I went shopping to pick out a dress for Robyn and the party.

I went back to the house, luckily Robyn wasn’t in; placing the dress on the bed, along with a small note:

I left, returning to Brendon’s house to organise the party.

---

[Robyn’s p.o.v.]

I returned home, walking into the kitchen, grabbing a drink and then into the bedroom. I was feeling a bit down, due to it being my birthday tomorrow and Ryan hadn’t looked like he’d remembered. Argh! I know I’m being stupid but…

“what the…?” :me whispering to myself. I had walked into the bedroom. There was a gorgeous red gown laid out on the bed. I picked it up by the straps. A note fell on the floor. I bent down, picking it up and reading it:

Hope you like the dress,

Be ready for 7 o’clock

.x. Love you .x.

“I knew he hadn’t forgotten!” :me grinning. My heart leapt, my stomach was in knots due to excitement. I snatched the dress, rushing into the bathroom.

I did my hair, makeup and put the dress on. I couldn’t stop staring at it in the mirror. It was perfect, everything he had done for me always was perfect.

It was 19:55, only 5 minutes to go … 19:56, 4 minutes to go. Those last 4 minutes were probably the longest and seemed to drag on forever. 19:59. Turn, turn… TURN!! I was practically screaming at the big hand. It finally turned…

---

[Ryan’s p.o.v]

“Right… it’s 19:50 I should get going now” :me to Brendon. I was so anxious and excited. I hope she liked the dress.

“Well… what are you waiting for?!” :Brendon giggling.

“Hey!! Don’t laugh at me!” :me playfully punching him on the arm.

“O… whatever. Just get gone” :Brendon

I left the house, taking one last look at the room. Everything was perfect, all that was missing was a few guests and Robyn. I walked onto the cold pavement and whistled for a cab. My car had broke down and was in repairs.

(in the cab)

Rain had started to fall down. Hitting the window almost elegantly. I smiled, knowing that everything was going to be perfect. I just needed to get there.

“Oh no…” :driver

“What, oh no?” :me, my face going blank.

“The roads have been blocked. There must be some road works somewhere” :driver

“What… no! I need to get home now!!” :me almost in tears.

“Well… there’s nothing I can do, sorry mate” :driver looking at me in the front mirror.

“I’ll pay you for this far.” :me giving him $6 and getting out.

I pulled my coat closer round me. The cold wind whipped around me, the rain pouring down my face.

“Damn… I picked the wrong day to wear converse” :me looking down, shaking my feet. Not that this would make a difference.

I looked around, wondering which way would be quicker. I looked at my watch, 19:34.

“Damn!” :me running toward a side street.

---

[Robyn’s p.o.v]

I looked at the clock, 19:34. Well he’s definitely late now. I sat in the living room on the couch. My legs and arms crossed due to boredom of waiting.

‘I’ll give him half an hour and I’m going out’- me thinking

I stared out of the window, then looking around the room. Hoping that the next time I looked out of the window, he would be there. But every time I looked, the only difference I saw were the different rain drops falling down the glass pane.

I looked at the clock, it had been another 25 minutes.

“Only 5 minutes to go” :me sighing. A tear waited on the bottom eye lid to fall. I was refusing to let it slip down my cheek. Holding on to the hope of the next 5 minutes.

I looked continuously out of the window, giving up on the idea of looking around the room.

2 minutes to go…

“where is he?!” :me. The tear almost burned my eyelid, eager to fall.

The clock ticked by, the last 2 minutes had gone.

“I honestly thought he would make it” :me closing my eyes, giving in to the single tear.

It ran down my face as fast as it seemed it could. It reached the bottom of my face, falling, splashing onto the dress leaving behind nothing but a mark.

I opened my eyes, taking one last look out of the window. I took a long blink, standing up and walking out of the room. I sat on the stares, finally allowing more tears to flow from my eyes. I rested my head on the banister, not having a clue of what to do.

I must have been in the hall for about 10 more minutes, till I heard a noise outside.

---

[Ryan’s p.o.v]

I’d finally made it to Robyn’s house. I was drenched down to the bone, not one part of me was dry. I tried the door but it was locked. The front room light wasn’t on, so I was a bit unsure of if she was actually home.

“Oh no… please be in I’ve forgot my keys” :me panicking.

I walked out of the garden, stepping further away to look at the house for lights. The bedroom light flickered on.

“Yes!” :me whispering to myself.

I knocked on the door again and waited. I was stood there for 2 minutes, and still no answer.

I walked back out of the garden, and the bedroom light was still on. I looked around on the floor, picking up a small stone. I threw it, hitting the window just enough to make a noise.

The curtains moved, revealing Robyn’s face. She looked down, then opened the window.

“What do you want?!” :Robyn sounding as though she’d been crying.

“I am so sorry Robyn, there were road works and I couldn’t get here. I’ve had to run all the way here almost” :me noticing she wasn’t in the best of moods.

“You said 7 o’clock, and it’s like 8 o’clock. I’ve been waiting for ages!” :Robyn : “How long ago today did you actually remember it was my birthday?”

“Excuse me? I’ve known all along it’s your birthday, there’s a surprise party for you at Brendon’s house now, but we’re a bit late” :me looking down, almost ashamed to even look at her.

“Well I don’t care, you let me down… and on my birthday Ryan” :Robyn being stubborn.

---

[Robyn’s p.o.v.]

“Robyn… please?” :Ryan

“Look, what d’ya want?” me

“To come in at least?” :Ryan

“Aww… tough!” :me closing the window.

“Robyn!!” :Ryan from outside

I turned around, opening the window.

“What…?” :me giving him a dirty look

“Please just let me!” :Ryan getting wetter and wetter by the second. Rain fell unstoppable crashing down everywhere.

“Um… No” :me slamming the window

“Marry Me!!” :Ryan shouting.

I opened the window again.

“What did you just say?” :me watching him, without blinking once.

He got on one knee, placing his hand in his pocket pulling out the sacred box every girl dreams of.

“Will you marry me?” :Ryan looking up at me.

I ran across the room, diving across the bed and running down the stairs. I unlocked the door, almost flying towards him. He was already standing up. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him as tight as I could. I never wanted to leave this moment… EVER.

His heartbeat was close to mine, his whole body freezing and wet through. The dress was being drenched through and my hair was ruined, also from diving down the stairs.

I finally let go, almost disappointed in myself for letting go of that perfect moment.

“…So?” :Ryan looking at me

“What?” :me

“Will you marry-” :Ryan

“Hey! I heard you, and… yes of course” :me being lured closer to his face. We kissed, our eyelashes touching our cheeks. Rain drops running down our faces, but neither of us cared. The kiss ended as so did the kiss.

“So… do I have to put the ring on myself?” :me

“No… I think we can come to an agreement on that one” :Ryan placing the ring on my finger.

“I love you Ryan Ross” :me

.x. we kissed again in the rain .x.

Woo! This is for all my super - awesome [not taking advantage *cof* BECKY*cof*] friends who are the greatest EVER!! Thanks for being there... we all need each other at some point. And Bex... yes me n robyn are happy for you and Tom and you do deserve each other ... so DON'T panic... we're all friends now (:  Btw Robyn... you are a retarded cheesemuffin genius! tis truly the truth... and where would I be without you in French... in the most boring outfit, hugging myself. Chloe, this story isn't to have a go and bite at you... it's to prove a point of you can't trust strangers. You'll understand when you read, but just to let you know, stuff like this does happen in real life and this is because I care about you. I hope nothing like this does happen but please be careful... no one tells the truth all the time...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOVE YOU ALL GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 54   [last journal!]

I didn’t know what else to do. Mum hides her tablets anyway so I knew I would never find them. How else to do it?

“Rialle I’m going out for half an hour.” :Mum from up the stairs.

“Right mum!” :me half-heartedly. I paced up and down in my room. Was I over-reacting? I didn’t even know for sure who the girl was. Why throw my life away because of something I could have taken the complete wrong way. I decided to go to his house.

I knocked on the door, which opened due to someone not shutting it properly. I stepped in. It sounded like no one was home, everything was too quiet. Nothing was a mess and it didn’t look like they were being burgled.

“Hello…?” :me stepping into the hall. I took my shoes off in case Josh was in the back and he just hadn’t heard me. I heard giggling from upstairs, then a ‘who’s that’.

I looked upstairs half daring myself to go up. I stepped onto the first step. Growing a few inches taller. I held onto the banister for balance and ventured onto the next step. About 2 minutes later I had climbed all of the stairs, now the hall faced me. I walked across, pushing Josh’s door open.

“Ahh!! Mum what are you do-” :Josh from his top bunk bed.

“What the fuck?!” :me looking up.

There he was with the girl most obviously

In bed, both with nothing on

The girl sat up

I looked at her, seeing her face properly for the first time

Hayley…

I looked them up and down

Unable to see, but understood clearly what was going on

Thankfully the sheets covered an unpleasant view

I stood there, rooted to the spot

The curtains had been closed, only allowing a slither of light through a small gap at the top

The wood flooring was as dull as ever

Raindrops start patting on the window

A reflection of my face

Tears began to pour down my face uncontrollably

Hayley sat there, placing her arm around him

She had a smug face on her smile

Messaging ‘I won’

He sat straight up, almost glued to the spot

He didn’t know who to concentrate more on, Hayley or his girlfriend

Instead his eyes shifted from side to side around 10 seconds

My eyes rolled back

My face fell pale

My lips turned a blue colour

My temperature dropped suddenly

I ran out of the door

Josh jumped out bed, landing with a bang

“Rialle… wait… please!” :Josh chasing me outside

“No! Why should I?” :me turning around for a split second, then carrying on down the street

“Please… just let me explain!” :Josh

“Explain what… there’s nothing to explain” :me wiping away my tears, these were the last I would cry.

“Please… just let me try and explain” :Josh refusing to give up

“What was it Josh… was it because I wouldn’t sleep with, so you had to cheat on me to get some? I should have known better, you are just like Andrew” :me turning around

“How can you compare me to him, you don’t even like Andrew” :Josh stopping

“Yea… and you want to know why?” :me losing my temper, but remaining to hold a casual tone : “Because … he… shagged someone… in… a fucking… BUSH!”

“Well… I would never do it a bush, ok that was too far” :Josh casually as though this was normal to him.

“Josh… do you hear yourself sometimes or is it just a big roaring in your ears?” :me sarcastically.

“Excuse me…” :Josh sounding rather dazed at what I had just said.

“Look… just because I’m not a slag, and I refuse to sleep with you now, doesn’t mean I’ll never sleep with you, but doing that was way out of line. And Hayley… Hayley of all the people you could have chosen, it had to be her!! And I have my own ring-tone on your phone, you knew it was me, so why the hell did you let her pick it up?!” :me almost sympathetically.

“I didn’t know-” :Josh starting to come u with one of his shitty excuses.

“Don’t you dare say you didn’t know. You were right next to her when she was talking to me! Look Josh, I’ve had enough-” :me being cut off

“You’ve had enough!! I’ve had it up to here with you!” :Josh pointing to his head to exaggerate his point

“With what!? What makes me so bad. I’ve been through so much shit lately, how do you expect m to be 100%… sane!” :me wanting to say so much at once, the words I was saying were coming out clearly

“At least 10% would have ok. And you’re always controlling what I do. You say you don’t like Andrew, how am I supposed to take you anywhere with my friends. I go everywhere with your friends, even though me and Ryan can’t stand each other” :Josh

“I never said I wouldn’t go anywhere with your friends, and as for Andrew- I’ve never made it where the atmosphere is uncomfortable and I get along with Eddy, and I do try with Andrew” :me

“Well we all know why you and Eddy got on so well…” :Josh with a sarcastic face.

“How dare you bring that up!” :me

“Answer me this… Did you ever sleep with him?” :Josh looking right at me.

“NO!! I have said that a thousand times over, why do you even have to ask?” :me almost in tears

“Well, how can I even believe or trust you Rialle… Hayley was the one to tell me and I still can’t understand why she would lie about that” :Josh

“Because… she… hates… me!! Don’t you see that? All this shit has been caused by her and she’s got in between us again. You’ve let her win, and this time… this time I don’t care” :me turning around. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Rialle… please… you know I love you and I need you” :Josh pulling lightly on my arm.

“Whatever Josh- I’ve heard it all before. Now go drown your head” :me shoving his hand from my arm, turning around and leaving for home.

Mum wasn’t home yet. I went to the fridge to pour some pomegranate and cranberry fruit juice. As I slurped the drink I knew it was time…

---

[Becky’s p.o.v]

Me and Tom had not long come back from the apartment. We sat in my front room, watching Lazy Town. I love it but Tom can’t stand it. I knew nearly all the songs off by heart, as like Robyn. We were snuggled on the couch with the occasional passionate kiss.

‘Bing Bang Digga Digga Dong’

“Becky - I say this because I care about you, PLEASE TURN THIS OFF!” :Tom laughing but being serious.

“Um, make me” :me sticking my tongue out comically.

“Right then. Now you’ve asked for it!” :Tom tickling me.

“Tom!… Stop it!” :me giggling uncontrollably

“Well you did say make me. Didn’t you?” :Tom refusing to stop.

“Yes…” :me still laughing. I rolled off the couch hitting the floor with a bang.

“Oops!” :me looking up at Tom. We both smiled and paused for a moment until he broke the silence. He slid off the couch, kneeling on the floor. I sat up slightly on my elbows behind me. He leaned closer, moving slowly, embracing the moment. We closed our eyes, our lips touching. I lifted one arm, wrapping it around his neck. My arms were too short, disallowing me to reach his face properly. So I held onto his neck. After 30 seconds of the kiss, my elbow gave way, collapsing underneath me. I fell backwards pulling on Tom’s neck. He fell on top of me.

“Ahh!” :Tom as he fell.

“Oops!” :Me smiling innocently.

“Becky…” :Tom

He lied on top of me leaning upwards on his hands one on either side of my head. [on the floor]

“Mhmm” :me intrigued.

“I love you” :Tom

“I love you too” :me sitting up. We kissed again;

If this wasn’t happiness, what was?

If he didn’t love me, who did?

If he wasn’t the one, who was?

If this wasn’t true love, what was?

---

[Back at the hospital] [Robyn’s p.o.v]

After we took Rialle home we returned to the hospital, because Ryan had forgot his wallet.

He’ll be ok… won’t he?” :Ryan with a teary eye, as we walked into the hospital.

“I promise he will” :me kissing him. I was still unsure if he was going to pull through or not.

I turned my head as we entered the ward’s waiting room. Brendon sat there with his face in his hands balancing on his legs.

“Brendon!” :Ryan running up to him.

“Ryan! Where have you been?” :Brendon standing up.

“We’ve been worried about you! Where were you? We sent Josh, he was supposed to be looking for you but-” :Ryan speaking fast, partly due to relief.

“Ryan! I’m fine, thank you” :Brendon shutting him up.

“Good!” :Ryan taking a deep breath then smiling.

“Have they said anything about Jon?” :Brendon awkwardly.

“Um… no. They’re keeping him in over night to do some tests?” :Ryan

“Oh. Hey Robyn, I didn’t see you there” :Brendon looking over. I was sat on a bench in a far corner giving them privacy.

“Hey” :Me unsure if I should go over just yet.

“Robyn, what are doing over there?” :Ryan confused.

“Um…” :me just walking over. I stood next to Ryan. He placed his arm over my shoulders and kissed my forehead.

“What are you two doing now?” :Brendon interrupting the moment.

“We’ll probably go to my place” :Ryan lifting his head up to Brendon.

“Do you want a lift?” :Ryan

“Honestly!” :Brendon sounding rather surprised.

“Yea… you are my best friend” :Ryan hitting him on the arm.

“Great-” :me to the side quietly to myself.

“What was that?” :Ryan looking at me. His face at least certified he hadn’t actually heard.

“Um, nothing. Are we going then?” :me trying to move on the conversation.

We walked out. Ryan had to run back in again to find his wallet, luckily it had been handed in.

We arrived at Ryan’s house.

[in the front room]

Brendon took a run and jump, landing on the couch. He search for the remote, then turned on the T.V. I went into Ryan’s room, lying down on his bed. I pulled one of his pillows and hugged it tightly, smelling the smell of Ryan. It felt like I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t understand why. I heard from inside the front room;

‘Where’s Robyn?’ :Ryan

‘Huh…? I don’t know, try your room’ :Brendon

Ryan came into his room, looking at me fairly odd lying on the bed.

“What’s up?” :Ryan sitting down

“I don’t know. I don’t feel too well. I’m just tired I think” :me looking at him. I pulled the pillow tighter towards me.

“Is this because Brendon is here?” :Ryan seeing right through me.

“No… why do you say that?” :me trying to deny it.

“Because… you haven’t said a word to either of us, well not like you would usually.” :Ryan moving a [really annoying] piece of hair from my face.

“… it’s not that I don’t like him. It’s just, I wanted it to just be us two. We are going out” :me trying not to be pushy or saying I hated Brendon.

“I know, I want it to just be us two… Hang on, I have an idea, get your coat” :Ryan walking off into the front room. He grabbed his keys and we met at the front door.

We walked to the car.

“Where are we going?” :me excited but still confused.

“Well, we want it to be just the two of us yea?” :Ryan

“Yea, but-” :me

“Well, you’ll see” :Ryan smiling.

[after the drive]

We stopped in a car park near the beach. I could hear the sea and smell the salty air all around us. We walked up the front door. I waited patiently while Ryan found his key.

We walked in. I looked around the house, it was the most beautiful house I had ever seen. There were huge windows all around the room, filling it with light from every direction possible. There was a breath-taking sea view which could be seen through nearly every window. There was a balcony on the other side of the window. In the front room there were big red puffy couches with a rose pattern for design. In the middle of the floor there lay a rug with a beach wood table.

“Do you like it?” :Ryan looking at my face.

“Like it?! I love it… it’s gorgeous! I’ve never seen anything like this before” :me running my hands along the silk smooth sofas.

“You can stay the night, I mean… that’s if you want to” :Ryan smiling. He knew full well the answer was going to be anything but negative.

“Stupid question!” :me turning around and kissing him. It was about half past 9 at night and was just going dark.

“I’ll grab some food from the kitchen, wait here if you like or go check it out” :Ryan walking into the kitchen.

“Ok” :me sitting down on the couch, which were so comfortable. I couldn’t help but stare at the view. I couldn’t see too far out to sea due to the sun setting. Ryan came in from the kitchin 10 minutes later with a picnic basket.

“Are you ready?” :Ryan

“What? Where are we going now?” :Robyn

“Down to the beach, it’s like 10 seconds away if that” :Ryan walking over the doors of the balcony.

He opened the door, stepping outside holding the door open for me.

We sat down on the beach, first laying down a blanket. He set out a few snacks on some plates over the blanket. I leaned back on my elbows admiring the sea, breathing in fresh air.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” :Ryan watching the sunset.

“Yea… I’ve never watched a sunset before, I suppose I haven’t got time anymore” :me almost regretting how many sunsets I would have missed.

“Well, at least you’re here now, watching one” :Ryan

“And this would probably be the most perfect one of all, even if it is my first” :me giggling.

“Oh well. There’s always another one to watch” :Ryan.

I sat up, moving closer to Ryan. I lied down, with my head on his legs looking up.

“Robyn” :Ryan

“Yea” :me smiling. Ryan moved his hand so he was stroking my hair.

“Do you think we’ll be together for a while?” :Ryan

“I think we’ll be together forever…” :me in reply.

---

[Chloe’s p.o.v]

Argh! How could he do this to me? I sat in an old shed, fairly close to home crying my eyes out because of ‘him’. My phone vibrated from inside my pocket. I pulled it out ‘Ryan’s home’.

I flipped it open, answering it.

“Hello?” :me confused.

“Chloe, thank god!” :Brendon

“Brendon!! What do you want?” :Me sniffling

“Chloe, please! I am so sorry” :Brendon

“Well sorry isn’t going to solve everything Brendon. Do you know how much you’ve hurt me?!” :me bursting into tears. Hearing his voice was like a stab in the heart.

“Chloe, please! I don’t know what else to do!” :Brendon

“Leave me alone!!” :me hanging up on him.

I slammed my phone shut. I let out a heavy sigh. A noise came from outside, like a twig snapping underneath someone’s foot.

I closed my mouth shut, only allowing air to escape my nose. My heart missed a few beats, to almost reflect the silence. I looked around the room. Only the moon lit the room, vaguely through a broken window, casting cobwebs on the floor. There was a table near to me, with a tablecloth dancing over. I crawled underneath, sliding on my hands and knees. I turned around under the table. Everything now fell too silent, sending shivers running down my spine.

Two minutes later the door swung open. I peered under the cloth dangling over the table. I could see a young lad standing in the door way, looking around the room. He took out a lighter, turning it on. The room now danced in time with the flicker of the flame.

“…Hello?” :Lad finally speaking. His tone hinted fear, with more curiosity.

I pulled my head up, staring at the table cloth, almost trying to look through it. Now I could only listen.

I heard shuffling of feet, creeping closer towards me. I looked at the floor, expecting to see something.

I saw a shadow of his legs, standing right in front of me. A hand shadow appeared, moving with the flame on the other side. The cloth was grasped, being pulled off completely. Everything on top of the table; paint tine, brushes, tools all came crashing down.

“Ahh!” :me curling my legs to my chest. I hugged my legs so tightly, due to the amount of fear flowing through my body.

“Whoa!! Didn’t see you there.” :Lad laughing to himself.

“Err… hi?” :me unsure of what to do. The vibes I was getting were nice and welcoming. He offered me his hand. I looked at it, then at his face.

“C’mon. You don’t want to be stuck under there forever do you?” :lad laughing again. He looked directly at me, with a smile in his eye.

I stretched my arm out, placing my hand in his. I slid along the floor, then was pulled up. I brushed myself off and lifted my head.

“Um… what are you doing in here?” :lad confused.

“Argh… I had an argument with my friend, Brendon” :Me looking rather annoyed.

“Oh… anything I could help with?” :Lad actually sounding interested.

“Well if you know what makes Brendon Urie tick then sure, you could help but-” :me waffling on.

“Brendon… Urie? You know Brendon Urie?!” :lad excited

“Err… yea we were dating but I don’t know anymore” :me

“Oh my god! *cough* …cool” :lad trying to act normal.

“So what’s your name?” :me

“Darren, and you are?” :Darren

“Chloe. I’m sorry for just coming in here-” :me bring cut off.

“It’s o.k. It’s only my dad’s shed and he never comes here anymore” :Darren

“Why not? This place is lovely” :me

“He died, a month ago” :Darren

“Oh… I’m sorry” :me kissing him lightly on the cheek. He smiled and looked at me, rather shocked.

“Dya want to come back to the house. My band are practising at the moment” :Darren turning around slightly, ready to go.

“Um, yea sure” :me smiling at him. He moved his thumb, making the room dark again and placed the lighter back into his pocket.

I followed him out of the shed, down the street to his house. We stepped into the hall, taking our shoes off.

He had black hair, with a small fringe on the side nearly covering an eye. He had a cute face with slight freckles around his upper cheek. He had on a t-shirt with a random guitar on. He had baggy jeans on, which looked like they were going to fall off any minute soon.

“C’mon… we’re in the back room” :Darren leading me into the kitchen, then the backroom.

“Who’s that?” :drummer to the bassist.

“No idea…” :bassist looking me up and down. I smiled back uncomfortably.

“Hey guys! This is Chloe. She’s our guest for tonight” :Darren putting his arm around me. I smiled at them all, there were 4 members, including Darren.

“Go sit over there while we practise k?” :Darren pointing over to a random chair in the room. I walked over and sat down, facing them.

A few minutes later the room had become roasting with all the equipment being used.

“Excuse me… I just have to go outside for a moment” :me standing up. I headed for the door, walking through then reaching the hall. Darren came up behind me silently. He put his hand on my shoulder making my jump.

“Oh… I didn’t hear you come in” :me startled. I turned around, facing him. A shiver ran through my body, my body falling numb.

His grip tightened, pain shooting through my collar bone, up my neck. I looked at his hand, dying to move it. The grip came too intense, I lifted my hand gripping his.

“Ow you’re hurting me!” :me scared. I looked up at Darren, his eyes were looking in me. His eyes piercing my soul. He threw me against the wall, pinning me up. He closed his eyes, kissing my neck. I gagged feeling like I was going to throw up.

“DARREN!” :me screaming. What the hell?

I flew my leg upwards, kicking him in his ‘area’. His grip loosened, then I broke free. I ran out of the door looking at where the hell I was. I pulled out my phone, Brendon was speed dial #1.

“Brendon! Omg you have to help me. I am so sorry about before but please.” :me screaming almost.

“Chloe! Where are you?” :Brendon really concerned

“Um… outside a house, on a random street.” :me looking around. I started walking to the end of the street, there was a sign.

“It’s Walkers Drive” :me trying to get hold of myself.

“Right… I’m on my way. Don’t move.” :Brendon.

“I’m on the corner near the sign” :me sniffling. Just as I was about to turn around, I felt an unusual breeze, on my neck.

I looked in the corner of my eyes, I could see Darren, standing right behind me.

“Chloe… what are you doing? don’t you like my band?” :Darren smoothly.

“Um… it’s not that, I just need to go home, it is getting rather later don’t you think?” :me almost playing along.

“Oh … yea I suppose” :Darren seeming all too calm about it.

“so…” :me breaking the silence which was falling upon us.

“But your parents don’t mind that much, they haven’t phoned you or anything yet have they?” :Darren smiling. I turned around facing him, moving backwards. He looked like he was possessed. The lamppost light shined down on his face, casting shadows down his body.

“No… but I need to go home” :me forcefully.

“No you don’t” :Darren. I looked at him and made a run for it.

“Oh no you don’t” :Darren chasing after me.

“Ahh!” :me trying to run faster.

I ran around the corner

His legs were longer than mine, running faster

He came at the side of me, then leaned in

Moving closer towards me

‘leave me alone’ :me

I found myself backed in a corner

I had ran into someone’s garden hoping they would help,

But no one was in

‘Darren… please!’ :me pleading with him

I ran around the garden

It was like being younger playing tag

But this time I played like my life depended on it

I ducked behind some bins while he was looking elsewhere for me

I held my breath

Cupping my hand over my mouth

I knew I had to be at that corner

I saw him come round the side of the bins I was behind,

RUN!

I ran at the other side running back out of the garden

‘Oi!” ‘Darren running after me

I ran heading for the same lamppost

Brendon’s car was there!

I reached the corner

Darren was nearly fully tired and had slowed down

I stood at the corner

Moving my head in every direction

Where’s Brendon?!

I looked back at Darren… Where was he?

‘Peek-a-boo’ :Darren from behind

He pushed me to the ground

He put his foot on my stomach

I closed my eyes, this was it

“Chloe!” :Brendon running from the side. He rugby tackled Darren, knocking him to the ground. He threw me the keys to his car.

“Get in the car… NOW!” :Brendon facing me. He turned his attention to Darren who was now unconscious.

Brendon lifted himself up off the floor, diving for the car.

“Where are the keys?” :Brendon looking at me

“Here” :me handing them over.

He put the car in acceleration and drove like never before.

We reached Ryan’s apartment, and walked up into the front room.

“Err… why are we here?” :me looking around confused.

“Cause I lost my house because of the manager” :Brendon almost ashamed.

“Oh… at least you have a roof over your head” :me trying to cheer him up.

“Do you want anything to eat?” :Brendon walking into the kitchen.

“Err yea sure. Thanks” :me sitting down. He brought the snacks in, placing them on the table in front of us. I grabbed a sandwich taking a small bite.

“So are you o.k.?” :Brendon looking at me concerned. I swallowed the sandwich in my mouth.

“Yea, thanks to you” :me kissing him on the cheek. He placed his hand on my face, forbidding me to pull away.

My lips returned to his, intensifying the moment. Our lips moved closer together, as did our bodies.

After a while I pulled away looking straight at him. We both smiled. This was it, I knew after everything what had gone on, I knew I loved him.

“Brendon… thanks” :me

“For…?” :Brendon acting clueless.

“Everything…” :me whispering in his ear. I placed my head on his chest, gently falling asleep by his gentle touch.

---

[ Rialle’s p.o.v]

I ran upstairs, signing onto msn for the last time. I appeared offline double clicked on Robyn’s name, who wasn’t online.

I am sorry to do this, but it has to be done. Never forget me please. I know it’s sudden and I know it can never be re-done or taken back. Just remember this is not your fault and I never meant for this to hurt you, like I know it probably will. I’ll never forget the times we laughed, cried and loved, wherever I end up.

Rialle

I closed the window, clicking onto Becky’s name. The window opened and typed.

Becky, I’m sorry. I know I have to do this, no matter how much it may hurt. I hope you and Tom are together forever, you really do deserve each other no matter what other people may say. I guess this is my final goodbye, and our final conversation on msn.

Rialle

Next was Chloe. I double clicked on the name, opening the last window I would ever.

Chloe, after everything you deserve a man that loves you, so choose carefully. I know I really don’t have the place to give out advice like that, but I care about you. I’m sorry for everything I did that caused the differences. But now I’m off, for good. Bye x

Rialle

I looked down at the keyboard, knowing these would be the last words I would ever type again. A single tear fell my eye, hoping and praying there was another way. I wheeled backwards on my chair, finally lifting my head up. I gazed around the room, taking one last look. I closed my eyes, taking one last deep breath. I walked across the room, opening my door. I stepped across the room towards my mum’s room. I bent down in front of her bed-side table, opening the very bottom draw. Yes... she had left some there. I took a box of pain killers, 500mg each. I emptied a whole strip out onto the palm of my hand. Looking at them, ‘is this the end?’

I placed my hand to my mouth, then flicking my head back. The tablets fell into my mouth, the end was near. I curled up on the floor, knowing this was going to hurt. I didn’t take any sleeping tablets, even though there were some there. I wanted to feel the pain that I knew everyone else would feel afterwards. I heard the gate shut outside. I ran down the stairs, quickly locking my mum out.

!Knock!

“Rialle, It’s mum let me in!” :mum outside

“No” :me refusing. I was in tears, knowing she would obviously be the one who would realise what I had done.

“Rialle! Stop pissing about and let me in” :mum getting rather pissed off.

“No… now leave me alone!” :me screaming at the door.

“Why not?! Rialle it’s cold, let me in!” :mum not going.

“No!!! Leave me alone!” :me

“Rialle - What have you done?” :mum slightly sounding scared.

“Leave me alone! You’re not coming in so you might as well go back” :me

“Rialle please, let me help!” :mum pleading with me. Nothing had ever hurt so much. The tablets kicked in.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” :me collapsing on the floor. The pain was unbelievable. I clutched my stomach.

“Rialle!! Let me in NOW!!” :mum banging on the door.

“Mum, I … can’t… AHH!” :me trying to my words out.

“Rialle what have you done?” :mum

“Mum… I’m sorry-” :me finally closing my eyes. Darkness enclosed all around me.

My last memories, my mum crying and hugging my body. I had no idea how she got in, just that she was holding my body, as I took my last breath.

---

[Robyn’s p.o.v]

Ryan’s mobile went off. He took his phone out, answering it with a agitated ‘hello’.

“Err… ok. We’ll be there straight away.” :Ryan closing his phone.

“What’s wrong?” :me looking at him, I knew something was up.

“It’s Jon…” :Ryan hugging me.

[At The Hospital]

We arrived and walked into his ward, and looked at his bed.

“Where’s Jon” :Ryan running over to one of the nurses.

“I’m sorry-” :nurse

“What?… no… but you, someone said” :Ryan stressed.

Anyone could have guessed, the news wasn’t good.

“Brendon!” :Ryan running over. Brendon and Chloe had just arrived at the hospital. Chloe had a few scratches on her face.

“Whoa… what happened to you?” :me walking over to give her a hug.

“I met this lad… he was really sweet at first, then he turned on me” :Chloe looking down, ashamed.

“Well we did warn you. Not everyone tells the truth and you didn’t know if he was a mass murderer or what! You cheese! Well as long as you’re o.k. now yea?” :me making sure.

“Yea… Brendon saved me from him” :Chloe quite pleased with the fact.

“So you two…?” :me smiling.

“Yea we are… by the way… do you know what’s going on?” :Chloe

“No idea, but I don’t know if I should. The nurse didn’t sound so convincing when Ryan asked her” :me unsure.

“C’mon… They probably need us if it is” :Chloe dragging me over by the arm.

“Err…” :me feeling really out of place.

“Brendon… what’s going on?” :Chloe putting her arms around his waist.

“I don’t know” :Brendon

“No one will tell us and we have no idea where the fuck Jon is” :Ryan getting frustrated.

“O.k. Calm down babes… I’m sure everything is o.k.” :me really hoping I was actually right.

“Finally!” :Ryan as a doctor stepped round the corner and was heading towards him.

“Are you Ryan Ross?” :Doctor

“Yea… now can you tell me what’s going on?” :Ryan

“I’m afraid the news isn’t good…” :Doctor.

---

[Back at Rialle’s house] [no p.o.v]

Caroline [Rialle’s mum] knocked down the door, breaking the lock. Rialle was on the floor, almost knocking on death’s door. She collapsed on her knees, bending down at the side of her.

“Rialle!! What have you done?” :Caroline in tears.

---

[Back at the hospital]

My phone went off just as the doctor was about to break the news.

“I better take this, I’m so sorry” :me stepping outside.

“I’m sorry… but Jon passed away half an hour ago.” :Doctor seeming uncomfortable.

“What… No!!” :Ryan. Brendon and Ryan both went to hug each other, tears flooding from everyone’s eyes.

“What caused his sudden death” :Brendon who was being the ‘strong’ one for Ryan.

“…We can’t be too sure. But we know he died of a broken heart” :Doctor, turning to leave.

I ran in, bursting through the doors pushing past the doctor in tears.

“Robyn!” :Chloe.

“Chloe… It’s… it’s Rialle!” :me squeezing her as she hugged me.

“Whoa… what?” :Chloe

“Ahh! I need to talk to Becky!!” :me panicking.

“What’s happened?” :Chloe sounding petrified.

“She’s… she’s… died” :me whispering the last word.

---

Chapter 54

We walked back into the front room. Jon was still unconscience and Ryan still had hold of him. The ambulance pulled up outside.

"Right... the ambulance is here..." :Ryan looked around for Brendon :"Where's Brendon?"

"Um... I do-" :Robyn looking as confused as Ryan.

"He's ran off. So has Chloe but not together" :me. I held onto Josh's hand as tight as I could. I was hurting so much.

"I can go and try to find him if you want?" :Josh

"Yea that would be great" :Ryan thankfully.

"But..." :me pissed off.

---

[at the hospital]

"Is he going to be ok?" :Robyn [to ryan]

"Yea he should be, so the doctor says" :Ryan looking at the depressed.

"Have you heard from Josh yet Rialle?" :Robyn

"Um... no. I'm getting worried about them all now" :me

"Why don't you try phoning him?" :Robyn

"Good idea... be right back" :me walking outside. I pulled my phone out searching for his number.

[on the phone]

"Hey Josh-" :me

"Hello? Who is this?" :girl

"Hello? Is Josh there please" :me worried and confused.

"Err... yea he is but he's a bit busy at the moment" :girl giggling in the background.

  'stop it Josh that tickles! hehe' :not on the phone.

"What do you mean he;s busy? He's supposed to be looking for Brendon and Chloe." :me annoyed.

"Who's Brendon and Chloe?" :girl sounding confused.

"Can you just put him on the phone please?!" :me

"Erm... sorry no-" :girl hanging up.

[back in the hospital]

"Well... where is he?" :Robyn

"With another girl..." :me confused. I didn't know what to do, was it just a friend... nah who speaks to a friend that way?!

"What? What dya mean with another girl? With, WITH another girl?" :Ryan

"Well it sounded like it. I can't believe it!! How could he do this to me?! After everything I'm going through at the moment!!" :me bursting into tears. I walked off into the toilets to get some tissue. I locked the door, leaning against the sink, staring into the mirror. I couldn't understand why. I'm not <i>that</i> ugly and I've been faithful and honest. There was a knock on the door and the sound of Robyn's voice.

"Rialle... are you o.k?" :Robyn sympathetically.

"Yea... I'm ... fine. Just leave... me alone... please. I just need to be alone" :me with more tears flowing from my face. I looked down in the sink, it was probably the only thing that looked remotely interesting. Tears splatted and ran down into the hole.

"Look... if you need me or anyone, you know me and Ryan are always here for you" :Robyn moving away.

About half an hour later I ventured out from the toilets, partly because someone had been banging on the wall for 10 minutes because they needed to go. I passed them on the way out, muttering sorry underneath my breath. Ryan and Robyn were outside in the waiting room hugging each other.

"Hey... are you ok now?" :Robyn still concerned.

"Yea I'll be fine, I just need to talk to hi first" :me still a bit teary.

"Good... we're off home now. Do you need a lift?" :Ryan

"Yea, please if you don't mind" :me forcing a smile :"by the way what's happening with Jon?"

"He's being kept in so they can do more tests, we don't know what's wrong with him yet" :Ryan being the first one to head for the door.

We got into the car and I arrived home, going straight upstairs.

"Rialle!! What are you doing?!" : mum storming up the stairs.

"Nothing mum leave me alone" :me trying to hide the fact I was still crying.

"Well, nice of you to say hello when you came through the door!" :mum being sarcastic. She walked into my room banging the door on my bunk bed, making me jump.

"What do you want now?" :me turning around quickly.

"To see my daughter..." :mum looking confused.

"Mum... go away!" :me frustrated,

"What have I done now!?" :Mum almost yelling.

"Argh... nothing. I;ve just got alot of shit at the moment which I need to think through so can you leave already?" :me pointing to the door.

"O.k  o.k I'm leaving. Jeez... love you too" :mum turning to leave...

[my thoughts]

how could he do this to me? After all we've been through and all that we've done. That's it, I've had enough. These shoulders have problems carrying a school bag, nevermind what the world is piling on top of me aswell. How can anyone expect anyone to cope with this? That's it, tonight... a letter will be wrote seperately to everyone. This will be the end... I can't take anymore... I won't take anymore.

Chapter 53

"Jon... what are you doing? Look at him! He's bright red, let him go!!" :Rialle pleading with him.

"Not until I see her" :Jon almost in tears. Jon was hurt and tears flowed at the bottom of his eye, waiting to throw themselves down his face. He let his arm just slightly, allowing Brendon to wriggle and break free, diving down the stairs. Jon almost shook, as if to wake himself up. He stared at the floor at the bottom of the stairs, as if he was posessed. Ryan could tell something else was wrong.

Jon threw himself down the stairs. Being paused by Ryan, and his attempt to catch him.

"Jon!" :Ryan still concerned about a friend.

Jon's eyes rolled back, facing the back of his head. His lips turned a blueish colour as though he was freezing.

"Jon... someone call an ambulance now!" :Ryan almost in tears. He looked directly into Jon's eyes, looking for any sign of life.

"Is he ok?" :Robyn concerned more about Ryan.

"I... I don't know" :Ryan refusing to take his eyes off Jon.

"The ambulance will be here shortly" :Rialle

[outside {brendon and chloe}]

"Brendon!! You're o.k!" :Chloe running and throwing herself onto him. Her arms wrapped round him as tight as she could.

"Yea... I'm fine" :Brendon slightly distant.

"... what's wrong?" :Chloe noticing.

"I don't know... I just can't help but feeling guilty. I knew he liked you and he's liked you longer than I have and I know I've hurt him. He must really love you Chloe..." :Brendon looking at the floor and avoiding eye contact with Chloe.

"What... what are you trying to say Brendon?" :Chloe beginning to cry. She pulled away, looking at his eyes.

"Um... I don't know... but" :Brendon being cut off again.

"You don't know what? But what?" :Chloe not liking where this was going.

"I'm sorry Chloe.. but we can't continue. Jon loves you, and obviously more than I ever could. I won't choose girlfriends over my friends and I won't hurt Jon. I love you, but" :Brendon finally looking at Chloe.

"You love me! Whatever Brendon!" :Chloe running off.

"Chloe... please!!" :Brendon shouting after her :"it's complicated-"

"What's wrong now?" :Rialle stepping out of the front door.

"Nothing... Chloe's ran off" :Brendon sounding fed up.

"Great... just what we needed" :Rialle sounding even more fed up.

"I'm sorry... I have to go" :Brendon trying to hide his face. Tears began to pour down uncontrollably. Brendon walked off, Rialle had given up trying to solve anything so decided to leave him.

[Rialle's p.o.v]

I walked back to Josh... He seems to be the only sane person around. He was in the kitchen, probably feeling a little left out.

"Hey babes" :me wrapping my arms around him, placing my head on his chest lightly.

"Hi" :Josh kissing me on the forehead.

"What's wrong?" :me concerned. I lifted my head to look at him, but he stared blankly outside the window.

"Um... nothing... what?" :Josh looking confused.

"What's the matter? You seem 'out of it'" :me slightly giggling.

"Oh... nothing. There's just a lot of stuff going on all at once. I;m just not used to it all" :Josh laughing quietly.

"Yea... I know what you mean. But at least we have each other for support." :me standing on tip-toes and kissing him on the cheek.

"yea-" :Josh smiling and looking at the counter, which was in the way of the floor.